I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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