How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
