Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
