apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
