i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
