Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
