I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
