I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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