Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
