she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
