I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
