i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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