I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
