So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
