thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
