I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
