Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
