Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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