She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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