I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
