I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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