I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
