Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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