Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
