If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize