I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize