I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
