Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
