Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
