Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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