i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
