new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
