community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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