Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
