so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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