Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
