I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
