nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Fuck appropriateness.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
