he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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