So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
