Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
