ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
