'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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