Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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