Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
