we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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