You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
