She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
