i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want her autograph on my taint
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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