first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
