The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize