We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
