Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
