just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
