I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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