sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
