dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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