Who wears a wallet chain?!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
