Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
