So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
