i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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