You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
