wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In America we eat man semen.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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